my modern rivals: this biography is unauthorized.

jessica.
twentysix.
alwaysurban.
questionabletaste.


jessicacohnAT
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brain itches Theme by Adam Holwerda.

when sales meetings get "personal"

  • elitist asshole wanna be hipster but really is just napoleonic and balding sales rep: well if we want to reach the "young people" we'll have to talk about jLO and twitter
  • me: uhh excuse me, but young people care about more things than jLO and twitter
  • office gay: and yeah, jLO is SO two years ago
  • office jim halpert wannabe: exactly. they care about T.I.

weather.com actually says this for tmrw:

Winds could occasionally gust over 50 mph.

HOW IS THIS AN OPTION, AEOLUS?!

mew @ metro: 12.07.09

aileen365:

unicornisland:

(via papertissue)

Instant re-blog for Courtney

aileen, i think you forgot to label the photo:
L: Taylor Lautner R: Aileen Burns

;)

aileen365:

unicornisland:

(via papertissue)

Instant re-blog for Courtney

aileen, i think you forgot to label the photo:

L: Taylor Lautner R: Aileen Burns

;)

Young Money - Bedrock

This song is pretty uninspiring but accurately highlights Nicki Minaj’s badassness, Drake’s underwhelming stunting, and Tyga’s scrawny body’s need for shirts to cover it. Kinda wish that this joint was hotter and took Nicki’s cue and “went there.”

Not impressed, Young Money. Re-do?

molls:

Odds that any dude you date could be a sociopath: too high. 

if it means he’ll stop me at penn station in a blue button down while “colorblind” plays in the background, count me IN.

molls:

Odds that any dude you date could be a sociopath: too high.

if it means he’ll stop me at penn station in a blue button down while “colorblind” plays in the background, count me IN.

today tarina and i went to the toys for tots motorcycle parade. which is just about the most perfect event ever. thousands of motorcycle dudes riding up western avenue with a toy affixed to their bikes, which are decorated for the holidays.

we realized quickly that we’re not tough enough to become anyone’s old lady so we resolved to get lessons in being TOUGH from the toughest bitches we know.

it starts today.

(via byebyebutts)
this and wheel of fortune were the shows my family always watched at dinner.
love you, america.

(via byebyebutts)

this and wheel of fortune were the shows my family always watched at dinner.

love you, america.

how i communicate with editorial coordinator that i have a specially sized ad coming in they need to compliment booking for.
i could just send an email that says “i have a 3/4Vertical ad for the news section next week. would you please book a 1/4Strip to match it? best, jcohn.”

but that’s so BORING. you want to get work emails from me, i know.

how i communicate with editorial coordinator that i have a specially sized ad coming in they need to compliment booking for.

i could just send an email that says “i have a 3/4Vertical ad for the news section next week. would you please book a 1/4Strip to match it? best, jcohn.”

but that’s so BORING. you want to get work emails from me, i know.

the slowest smile just spread across my face and ended in hyper dramatic single tears from each one of my eyes.

i love you, something corporate.

in that bright and shiny give you the last piece of cheesecake radios over my head kinda way.

see you in soCAL.

SQUINTY LASAGNA BITCH. oh no they didn’t, on taylor swift.
at northwestern, where i spent my undergraduate career, there’s this giant rock in the center of south campus. we don’t have a quad so-to-speak so i guess if there was a rally or meeting point outside, the rock would be it. when people are seeking good old fashion public attention of their message, they “guard” said rock and paint it in covertly at night. not having been a big “campus participator” i never painted the rock. so i don’t have any personal investment in the thing, but i respect it in a preservation of tradition kind of way.
according to some 2.0 NUwebzine, some assholes with nothing better to do decided to get all columbia college of chicago and form an “independent study” on the rock and started chiseling away the hundred layers of paint trying to make some lame excuse for a “statement”
“We think The Rock is more historical than all the club announcements and birthdays and shit.”
oh how PROFOUND. i think you’re all jags (and shit.)
once again, i completely despise this generation of entitlement that i unfortunately belong to. i’m not much of a “heart u, nu” lady, but these kids had no right to strip away those layers of painted history. maybe some of us should form an “independent study” group call “The Fuck Your History Organization” and take a pack of sharpies to the “The Rock Excavation Organization“‘s family photo albums and “get creative.”

at northwestern, where i spent my undergraduate career, there’s this giant rock in the center of south campus. we don’t have a quad so-to-speak so i guess if there was a rally or meeting point outside, the rock would be it. when people are seeking good old fashion public attention of their message, they “guard” said rock and paint it in covertly at night. not having been a big “campus participator” i never painted the rock. so i don’t have any personal investment in the thing, but i respect it in a preservation of tradition kind of way.

according to some 2.0 NUwebzine, some assholes with nothing better to do decided to get all columbia college of chicago and form an “independent study” on the rock and started chiseling away the hundred layers of paint trying to make some lame excuse for a “statement”

“We think The Rock is more historical than all the club announcements and birthdays and shit.”

oh how PROFOUND. i think you’re all jags (and shit.)

once again, i completely despise this generation of entitlement that i unfortunately belong to. i’m not much of a “heart u, nu” lady, but these kids had no right to strip away those layers of painted history. maybe some of us should form an “independent study” group call “The Fuck Your History Organization” and take a pack of sharpies to the “The Rock Excavation Organization“‘s family photo albums and “get creative.”

well i guess i’m approaching 30, whatever that means. me, in conversation with my approaching 90 grandfather.